Wednesday, January 7, 2009

Sleep Catatonia

So tonight, I wrote a memoir about my insomnia. It's odd that it wasn't actually about me, but an aspect of myself. I haven't update except for those awesome pictures.
I got into the creative writing class, which is ultimately exciting. I'm just that much closer to the degree of my dreams. I just really need to start believing me.
I'm also that much closer to having to make tough decisions between Grad School or a Job. They are all capitalized because they are Very Big Decisions. Not like what to buy at the grocery store, but LifeChanging. Like really good socks. Or not like socks at all, but more like sandals, because you can get callouses if you choose the wrong ones, and the right ones fit so well that it's like you're wearing "Nothing at all. Nothing at all. Nothing at all." Ah, Ned. How appropriately innappropriate to the situation.
Either way, I'm on my path. Sometimes I like to think about motivation. Technically, my poetry is a type of memoir, something to express my story. I don't really write any fictional poetry, it all comes from what I go through. And today it was expressed in my autobiography class that most write to create identity, or to promote an idea of yourself. Is that why I write, so that I can have a glimmer of identity in other people's eyes? Most definitely.
But Also:
  • I Love Writing. More than most other things.
  • I Love reading poetry. New and Old.
  • This is something I've been doing consistently, for a long time. And if you know me, those two phrases are Rarely used in a description of my activities.
  • I wrote poetry before I knew what it was, that is how well tuned my mind is with poetry.
  • I don't think I could stand anything else for an extended period of time.
  • Finally, I feel like I do have a message, an audience, and a reason to write. I do wonder about if reading something I write will create the release that I get from reading everything from Harlem Night Song to Marty McConnell.

On a side note, I'd like to tell you all about an experience I had before break, where I saw a poetry reading of the aforementioned Marty McConnell. It was amazing. I was so moved by her work, and how she pushed boundaries, and how she evoked emotion from the people in the audience, it was truly amazing to witness.

Anyways, before talking any further of who may or may not be my professional living icon, I guess I'd sum it all up with this:

  • A dream is a dream. It isn't about how it started, or why it continued. Sometimes we can rationalize things that are innate, assuming they must have a starting point. Poetry is a part of me, and I will always do it. I can't think of anything that is more a part of me than maybe water.

So, I'm going to slip this shoe on and take a walk. You enjoy the music.


Amanda said...

Very Big Thing indeed. We support you, whatever decisions you make babe :).

Jennifer Innes said...

Congratz on the class and good luck on your path.